A Daring Adventure

I'm Certain I Heard What You Didn't Say

Okay, so.


Today was my first day of ConGen.


And it's obvious to me that my brain and I need to have a little talk with each other.


This is because my brain is not correctly hearing what the ConGen people are saying.  Which, you know, could possibly be a problem.


I'll give you a little example.


Since it's the beginning of ConGen, and since ConGen is (I kid you not) a supremely well-oiled machine, they have begun by telling us what they will be telling us over the next many weeks.


You know, like any good presentation of new information: you tell people what you're going to be telling them, then you tell them what you want to tell them, then you remind them of what you told them. It's all about being clear.


So, today was them telling us all about what they're going to be telling us about. A day of introductions, if you will.


The only problem is that my brain can't hear what they're saying.


Case in point:  Take the two basic kinds of visas. Immigrant visas (IV) and Nonimmigrant visas (NIV).


[See that?  There are only two categories. TWO. This shouldn't be hard. This should be easy! But...]


Now, I have a bit of a medical background. So, when I hear/see the acronym "IV" I automatically think: Plastic tube in your wrist used to give you fluids, like in the hospital. Often keeps you from dying. Rather handy at times.


I also, throughout my life, have attended different forms of Presbyterian and Episcopal churches. Thus, when I hear/see "NIV" I automatically think: Kind of Bible translation. Different from KJV and NASV, etc. Christians like to argue about which one is better. Which is sort of lame.


And I'm not having this problem with just the two visa types - oh, no. The problem is far more widespread.  For example...


I'm married to a federal law enforcement officer. When I hear/see "FAM" (some sort of book or manual or something?) I think: Federal Air Marshals. Fly around on planes and stuff. Keep the airways safe, etc. Sucks for them that they're part of TSA.


So in class today, this is what my brain heard:


"Welcome to ConGen! During your time here, you'll be learning about (plastic tubing that goes in your arm that's used to give a patient fluids in the hospital) and (a kind of Bible translation that is used by different churches). You'll also be hearing about (Federal Air Marshals flying around on planes)."


LOVELY.


It will be interesting if and when there will come a day when my brain will hear:


"Welcome to ConGen! During your time here, you'll be learning about (one specific type of visa) and (another specific type of visa). You'll also be hearing about (a manual of rules or something)."


But between now and then?   Yeah.  My brain needs to get itself together. And right quickly, might I add.


Because it's also hearing about lots of stock ticker symbols (!!) and brands of guns (!!!) all the time. Heaven help me - when "FAM" is used together with the acronym that is the same as a particular brand of gun (Federal Air Marshals! Guns! Those two *totally* make sense together! Don't make fun of me!) my brain goes 100% law enforcement and I have to drag it back, kicking and screaming, to the classroom full of acronyms it *thinks* it knows but it actually doesn't really.


But it's really super-nifty-fun to be back in the universe of all things legal/law-ish! For many years, I worked in the legal world. I've really missed it, so this is a treat.


(See also: ConGen doesn't start at 7:40 every single morning M-F like Chinese used to! Good heavens, what's not to like?!)


(And even FURTHER see: ConGen is entirely in English! ALL OF IT!! Every last word on every last page! It's all in English! GLORY HALLELUJAH!!)

And Then Life was PERFECT! (Also: Score One for the DS Folks!)

I am very, very proud (you have no idea how proud) to say:


**JAMES GOT HIS 2/2 TODAY IN CHINESE!** 


Holy cow, you guys, this is awesome for so many reasons, not the least of which is that DS folks right now are being put under the microscope in language training in a BIG WAY. 


Because of that, and because of many family reasons (I'll get to them in a sec), this test was SUPER high stress and SUPER high stakes.


For example, who in the world wants their CDO contacted and Post contacted and told that they didn't/couldn't make their required language score and thus... (fade to unknown)?!


No one, that's who.  And especially not my husband. 


But there was also a lot of pressure on him because he scheduled his test 2 weeks earlier than the end date of his class.  The reason he scheduled his test that early is:





So get this.  James has been a Boy Scout leader/Scoutmaster/Assistant Scoutmaster since Matthew (our 17-yr-old) was in kindergarten (Tigers).  Matthew is now an Eagle Scout.  During all those years, never once (never once!) has James been able to go to Boy Scout summer camp.  His job situation never let him.  (Reason why I hate TSA # 7,975,233.)


But Matthew turns 18 soon and won't be a Boy Scout any longer.  And this is the last summer we're in the US for at least a few years.  Thus, next week is James' first and last chance to go on a Boy Scout summer camp trip with both boys, and they are scheduled to leave in just a few days.


So not only was our going-to-Chengdu schedule on the line... not only was the rest of James' training schedule on the line... not only were phone calls to his CDO and Post on the line... not only was the threat of SIX MORE WEEKS OF CHINESE on the line... but also my husband's only chance to go to Boy Scout camp with our two boys was on the line when James took his language test this morning (two weeks early). 


I can't even begin to describe how happy we are.  I got the score I needed yesterday and James got the score he needed this morning. 


And you know what?  This is a fun little tidbit.


I have heard - I cannot verify, of course, but I have heard - from both my husband's classmates AND a few of his teachers - that James was the VERY FIRST ONE of his Chinese cohort (which is very large - something between 20 and 30 students) to get a 2/2.


**Score one for the DS folks!!** 


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This is the part of the blog post where I wholeheartedly thank all of our Chinese instructors and the Chinese Department management. 


Oh. My. Goodness. 


To say that the teachers care is an understatement.  Yes, learning Chinese is SO hard... the length of the course is SO discouraging sometimes... the goal often seems SO impossible... but all of our teachers have hearts of gold and want more than anything to see us succeed. 


You guys should have seen it today. 


After James left the testing center and came back to the Chinese corridors, he was/we were surrounded by his teachers and my teachers all hugging us and all being so thrilled for us.  And I cried and James even got misty-eyed and the teachers were all so happy and proud.  It was such a wonderful time.


So thank you, Chinese teachers.  Thank you, Chinese Department.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.


And thank you, everyone, for your encouragement and your prayers.


WE DID IT!!!

Score One More for the EFMs, Version 2.0! (Or: HELLS YEAH, MAH PEEPS!)

Last we encountered our deeply flawed and highly neurotic female protagonist, she was threatening to vomit and, in general, was having complete and total meltdowns on Twitter and Facebook about having to take her Chinese language test at FSI almost a month early so that she could seize her only chance to get into a ConGen class.  Since she's an EFM and all and since EFMs only get leftover seats in ConGen and all.  You are now caught up.


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SO!  Today was my Chinese language exam!  I am happy to report the following:


1.)  I PASSED!!  I needed a 2/1 (2 in Speaking/ 1 in Reading) and somehow or another I ended up *exceeding* my needed score and got a 2/1+.  I have no idea how I did this. 


2.)  I never once vomited!  Nor was I crushed by any random pianos falling from the sky, which is what I was begging for on Twitter during the days leading up to the test. 


3.)  EFMs, shockingly enough, CAN pass Chinese language exams!  I am living proof of this! 

In fact, herein lies an open letter to all EFMs.  Ready?


                                                    ~   ~   ~


Dear Random EFM,


A long time ago, when I first started trying to ask random official State people (who will not be named or even have their Departments named because, hello, I'm not *completely* stupid) who get paid to help EFMs who are going overseas with stuff and things, and they found out that I had just started Chinese, they were all:


"Um, so when you don't make your required Chinese score, this is what you can do next in order to try to find a job..."


And then I was all, "No really, I think it will be okay..."


And then they were all, "As I was saying, when you don't make the language score that you need, you can next try..."


And then I hit my head against a brick wall for a while until my desire to talk to someone about jobs went away. 

But then, (what feels like hundreds of) months later, I now have my score!!! 


So if and when this sort of thing happens to you, my dear Random EFM, you and I can totally look at each other (across the internet, figuratively) and be all:





and move on with our lives in quiet smugness. 


Unless we blog, at which point the smugness is a tad less quiet. 


Ahem.


                                                 ~   ~   ~


Oh, Chinese. 


Unless people have experienced you first hand, they really cannot truly fathom how you touch their lives.  And bookshelves. 


Why, between your textbooks, workbooks, grammar books, newspaper readers, listening exercises, handouts, class notes, Consular language materials, etc., etc., etc., my house is overrun with a plethora of your printed materials:













[Not pictured:  my husband's own set of this stuff.  Which is, actually, more vast than mine since he's had two months more of Chinese than I have.]


[Also not pictured:  The seven gajillion gigabytes of iPad flashcards, other iPad-based materials, and all the materials we Chinese students are only able to access online.]


[Also keep in mind:  All of those books?  I got them during 33 weeks - a bit more than 8 months - of Chinese. So you can just imagine how fast that class went.]


                                                    ~   ~   ~


And, actually, come to think of it, this would be a really great time to talk seriously to DS folks who are thinking of bidding for positions overseas that come with required language training (super-hard and otherwise, but super-hard languages seem to be steeped in their own particular form of misery).


I'm trying to tread lightly here, but I would like to communicate that the stress and drama of language training is quite sobering and very serious.  Please, before you bid for that language-designated spot, PLEASE know that you will be way more than a full-time student during the entirety of your language training.  PLEASE ask yourself whether or not you truly enjoy and really want to be plunged into an extremely high-stress academic environment for a very long period of time.  We're talking worse than what you went through to get your Master's, worse than law school, and worse than any class you took in college.  Seriously.  Way worse.


                                                     ~   ~   ~


So, anyway, VICTORIOUS CHINESENESS!  (etc., joyful mayhem, happiness and dancing, ad naseum)


Next stop:  ConGen!  (Which starts on Wednesday.) 


Thank you, everyone, for your support and prayers.  I'm so very grateful!!

A Non-Celebratory Celebration Which Included Not Much Celebrating

[This next week's Foreign Service Blog RoundUp will be hosted by Heather at The Wandering Drays!  Theme: Vacations and home leave.]


                                                 ~   ~   ~


Happy Father's Day to my Dad, of course, who is also wonderful grandfather whom my children absolutely adore, and the only grandfather they have ever had and will ever have.  But that's okay, because you're awesome-grandfather enough that my children lack for nothing in the grandfather-ey department!


I would imagine this next video shows what happened today if you ever tried to relax, Dad.  What happens each and every time you EVER try to relax.  Because even though my boys weren't there in Florida to pester you, our (highly annoying) former wouldn't-make-a-very-good-Foreign-Service kitty cat, of course, was.  We gave her to you guys just so you wouldn't ever forget us.  Did it work?  And does this look at all familiar?


(Be sure to click out of the ad when it appears on the bottom)

 


And, of course, Happy Father's Day to the love of my life.


Though we both want to, basically, DIE because we have our Chinese tests in about a week, and though we couldn't do anything fun today because, um, refer back to the top of this sentence, I love you, my wonderful husband, more than anything in this entire world.  Because you are the most amazing man a girl could ever hope to have, and the most wonderful Dad kids could ever wish for. 


And this is the part of the blog in which I shamelessly steal the following song from awesome I'll Take Mine... To Go! (who first introduced it to me) and dedicate it to you, my dearest love.  Every time I listen to it, I cry, because it is just that perfect of a song.  Especially the part about teaching the kids to fly.  Oh, heavens, there aren't enough Kleenex in this world...


(Again, be sure to click out of the ad when it appears on the bottom)




Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes (x2)

You and I, we're not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

We can always look back at what we did
All these memories of you and me baby
But right now it's you and me forever girl
And you know we could do better than anything that we did
You know that you and me, we could do anything

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby

Girl POWER! (DS and Otherwise)

[Quick RoundUp Update:  This week's State Department Blog RoundUp will be hosted by my darling friend A over at Crafty Foreign Service.  The theme is:  Where are your Manners?! Tips and tricks to be polite in the FS. Or other interesting stuff....]


                                               ~   ~   ~


So, the last time I blogged, I showed y'all a cool DS (Diplomatic Security Service) video. 


Today is a day for the ladies! 


Recently, Elle magazine ran an article about the women who serve on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's DS protection detail.  The article called these female Special Agents "Hillary's Angels," which I think is a fabulous name.  I don't know if Elle came up with this nickname or if this is a frequently-used nickname that I just hadn't heard before, but I love it!


The article is actually made up of two pdf files.  Here's the first page of the article, and here's the second page. 


My favorite quote:  "Shooting in the morning makes me hungry."  That is AWESOME. 


Rock on, ladies! 


                                                ~   ~   ~


In other girl power news, this week Diplopundit wrote about difficult EFM issues that many EFMs face (you are AWESOME, Diplopundit!).  Consul-at-Arms' suggestion for solving one aspect of the EFM problem (namely, the problem that many EFMs are not native English speakers and, therefore, can have a more difficult time getting jobs overseas) made me laugh so hard I almost couldn't breathe:


"Obviously, the thing to do is require unmarried FSOs to chose English-fluent spouses from one of the BRIC countries until further notice."


And A over at Crafty Foreign Service (who grew up with parents in the Foreign Service and now is married to a guy in the Foreign Service... so her mother was an EFM and now she is also an EFM) recalled the days when her own mother was included on her father's State Department EER. 


Glad THOSE days are over!  I absolutely cannot even imagine. 


                                                      ~   ~   ~


Speaking of girl power, the other day I had a great conversation with this (obviously lactating, female) squirrel in the backyard:





She was all:  I know I'm totally pigging out, and I'm eating all the peanuts in the squirrel feeder all by myself, but I'm nursing my four babies back at my nest and I'm ALWAYS SO HUNGRY!  I'm way scared that I'll never lose all this baby weight!  *munch munch munch*


And I was all:  Oh, girlfriend, I've SO been there!  It's so hard!  But you WILL lose the baby weight and then someday they'll be practically all grown and it will SO have all been worth it!  See?  Look!  Someday this will be you guys:




 

And then I tossed her another few scoops of peanuts and all was right with the world. 


                                            ~   ~   ~


Additionally, I just have to add something else for the benefit of my mother, the animal lover:


Dear Mom,


The goats at the Washington DC Zoo have their very own playground.  I'm totally not joking.  I know this will make you very happy, so I'm including a picture of the happy goats, playing on their very own playground equipment.  And no, since the goat area is fenced off, the goats don't even have to share their fun toys with zoo visitors.  It's ALL. THEIRS:





I will now close this blog post with a picture of a flower, because girls love flowers:





FIN.

 
[UPDATE:  A dear friend of mine read this blog post (from DS to lactating squirrels to goat playgrounds) and then hypothesized that Chinese has now officially driven me completely out of my mind.  She is correct.]

Total. DS. AWESOMENESS!

[But First:  The State Department Blog Roundup will be held this week by Becky over at the blog Small Bits!]


                                                   ~   ~   ~


This (in my opinion) is a great video, and since it is making its rounds via the interwebz, I wanted to make sure everyone who comes here gets a chance to see it. 


CBS made it, and it does an excellent job (in my opinion) of showing some of what DS (the State Department's Diplomatic Security Service, of which my awesome husband is a proud member) does.  In a current climate in which the State Department - and I quote - is "the biggest potential loser" from the steep budget cuts which are on the federal government's table as we speak, it's a great reminder of what our brave (and amazingly talented!) men and women are doing Every. Single. Day.


[Seriously - the potential budget cuts to State are so egregious that Federal Times wrote an entire article only about the proposed State budget cuts.  Okay, on to the movie...]


  


In other news...




it's my dear friend Jill's BIRTHDAY today!  And her hero of a husband (who is DS also) is in Iraq, missing it.  That movie, above, shows you a good idea of the sort of things he's up against while he's there.  If you haven't already, please consider popping over to her blog and showing her some DS-Wife-All-Alone-on-Her-Birthday-While-Her-Husband-is-in-Iraq-Being-a-Hero-Love!


(Also, she packs out tomorrow.  All alone.  By herself.  Without her husband.  The day after her Birthday.  With three children.  You get it.)


                                                   ~  ~  ~


In other OTHER news, regarding the damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't difficult choice between taking my language exam super duper early in order to try to get into ConGen (but risking failing the Chinese exam and therefore not being able to get the job I would love to try to vie for) -OR- taking a late ConGen class that would strand my family here for a really long time just to wait for me, it seems that my absolute best chance is taking the test early.

I am therefore (newly) scheduled to take my language test THREE WEEKS FROM TODAY, on Monday, June 27th, in the morning.  This moves my test up by two weeks.


There are many things wrong with this.  The first one is that I can't speak Chinese on Monday mornings.  Seriously.  Over a weekend, by Monday I've forgotten pretty much everything. 


The second thing is that this means that I will test about three weeks before any of my other classmates, and roughly four to five weeks before another of my classmates.  I can't even stress how early a date this test is for me.  And since it's an all or nothing proposition (if I fail the test that day, it is then literally impossible for me to get a 2/1 in Chinese AND take ConGen before we go to post, which therefore would diqualify me from being able to apply for the job), it's very, very risky.  But it looks like my best chance to be able to get my language score *and* get into ConGen. 


So - it's a huge, huge gamble. 


And since my language exam was just now moved up, I am off to study.  

 

Moving Forward and Some Good News

First of all, I want to say thank you so very much to everyone who reached out to me after my last blog post in which I talked about some recent EFM frustrations I've been dealing with.  You guys are the best!


Since that last post was already pretty much the length of Gone with the Wind, I had tried not to delve too deeply into picky EFM-job-related details because, quite frankly, I figured it would just be too super duper boring.  But since that post went sort of... a teensy bit viral? ... and since I've had official confirmation from People Who Know These Things of some additional information, I wanted to spread some EFM good news.


(Or at least it's EFM good news for EFMs being posted to China.)


When I wrote in my last post that the specifically-meant-just-for-EFMs-job I've been hoping to try to qualify for when we get to China (it's called a PAS or Professional Adjudication Specialist, and it is basically like being a Consular Officer) - the job that requires me to have a 2/1 in Chinese *AND* to have completed ConGen - seemed to have been replaced by this new position recently announced by State (which is not specifically meant just for EFMs), I premised my information upon FLO's official website, which, at that time, had the following on it:





But since the time I last blogged, I've been told that this specific type of EFM position has NOT been put on hold or done away with.  That this position type (the PAS position) is still alive and well.  That the banner I saw (above) was in error, and after my last blog post it has since been removed from the FLO website entirely.


So that's good news!  And, of course, just to make sure we're all on the same page here, in my last blog post I never mentioned the Consular Assistant/Associate/etc. types of positions for EFMs in the Consular area (remember - those don't have a language proficiency requirement, so they're different from the PAS position).  My whiny blog post was only actually discussing the specific PAS position that I was hoping to try to qualify for when I get to China, and no other type of Consular EFM job.


All that to say - if you're:

1.) An EFM
2.) Going to China (and maybe other countries, too, but you'll have to ask FLO... perhaps Brazil?)
3.) Who has or will have the same language proficiency as Consular officers there (for China it's a 2/1)
4.) Who has some college work
5.) Who could be able to qualify for/get a clearance


Then you might want to look into this Professional Adjudication Specialist (PAS) position as it's basically exactly like this one (but is just for EFMs) and pays more, from what I understand, than other sorts of Consular Assistant/Associate/etc. positions that EFMs often do in the Consular Section.


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In other news, the State Department Weekly Blog Roundup made it into this month's issue of the Foreign Service Journal!


Which is both cool and embarrassing. 


Cool because, of course, WOW!  COOL!


Embarrassing because, um, there's no RoundUp this week. 


Which is so totally my own fault because, hello, the RoundUp Calendar has been in dire need of updating.  I also need to talk about the RoundUp more and and keep it out there.  So, you know...


RoundUp. Webmistress. FAIL.


I'll try to do better!  In the meantime, if anyone wants to host, just let me know!  You, like Ogles & Observations, may find yourself featured in the Foreign Service Journal as a result!*


[ *Okay, probably not.  I mean, the odds are slim.  But, truly now, how often do I get to dangle such a totally fun carrot out there?  NEVER, THAT'S WHEN.  So opportunities like these need to be seized upon!]