A Daring Adventure

A Really Strange Day & Why No Love for the DS Agents?!

So I was perusing the totally nifty videos on State's Official Page of People Doing Awesome Stuff (gosh, I *love* the video titled "Michelle and Mary," by the way!), and you know what I realized?!


If you scroll down past all the Foreign Service Officer Awesomeness Stories, you get a set of Foreign Service Specialist Awesomeness Stories.  And you know what?  There's not ONE SINGLE VIDEO of any DS Agents!  There are two Security Engineering Officers and a Security Technical Specialist... but not a single Agent.


Yo, whassup with THAT?! 


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In other news, today is a really strange day.  I don't know if you already heard about this, but FSI is closed today.**  Here's how this went down.


[**For all but a small subsection of people, like those going to Iraq and stuff, etc.  But for language and regular training people, CLOSED.]


Late yesterday afternoon, we trainee folks were wrapping up our last classes when, all of a sudden, the FSI building lost power.  It was very bizarre!  And then it started getting a little warmer in the building, and a little warmer...


Anyway, classes were sent home (only the tiniest bit early). 


Then, this morning, James and I got a phone call from a friend who had gotten to FSI before we left home.  FSI was still closed, she told us!  And it was going to be closed all day today!  Some lady was actually standing outside of FSI with a big sign (!!) which listed off the small subsection of people who were still required to enter the (stifling?  I don't know...) building for training.  The rest of us were cut loose for the day.


Our first reaction was horror.  Because you cannot miss even a single class of ConGen and still graduate, which means that somewhere the folks running ConGen have a HUGE headache on their hands.  How to re-structure the classes missed without it being a gigantic problem?  And also, James and I are in the middle of planning every last second of our travel plans post-FSI and pre-Chengdu, complete with plane tickets and hotel stays.  Will this FSI shutdown end up derailing our lives? (We hope not.  James thinks not.)


But, on the other hand, James and I just had to laugh.  Because we were here ALL LAST WINTER, and not a single day was lost to snow.  Not *one* snow day!  Sure, I think one morning we had a delayed opening by two hours, but that's all, and stuff still opened by 9:30 am, if I remember correctly.  So, no big deal.


So, this means that this whole last year of our training, we had ZERO snow days, but we now have had a HEAT day.  (I have to imagine that something at FSI got overloaded because of the crazy high heat index - 117 today! - but that's just pure speculation on my part.  I could be totally wrong.  I often am.)


So that's totally wicked crazy! 


A heat day!  Go figure.

Last Night's Meltdown Cow

(Of mine, obviously.)


(Since James has never had and WILL never have anything even remotely resembling a "meltdown cow.")


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So, evidently, yesterday we got an Official Email all officially telling us that we now have a new Official Chengdu Address.


You know, for people to, like, mail us stuff when we're on the other side of the earth. James, of course, was the recipient of said Official Email, since I'm all Just a Wife and he's all The Employee.  Because now that my husband has aced his language exam, stuff is TOTALLY starting to happen right quick around here.**


[**And so, this might be a good time to pass on some DS gossip from multiple, extremely well-placed sources: DS folks in language training not only WILL NOT be allowed to process ANY travel-related plans until after they get the scores they need, but there also WILL NOT be ANY language waivers granted to any DS person for any reason, period.  So just remember all this stuff when you're bidding and trying desperately to get overseas.  Are you really ready to bid on that spot that has a language requirement?  Only you know that answer to that.]

So James forwarded the Official Email to me and was all happy and excited all day long. Because we had an address!  For when we're in Chengdu!  Something real!  And official!  Like we're really, actually going!**


[**And before you scoff at me, Dear Reader, I have to tell you the following:  You see these people (A Fisher Out of Water)?  These people who are currently posted in China?  Okay, get this:  we had dinner with them (they're delightful) when they were just brand-new applicants to the Foreign Service, long ago.  Even back then, James had long been paneled to Chengdu.  These people have since gone through the hiring process, been hired, been A-100ded, gone through language, moved to post, gotten pregnant and HAD A FREAKING BABY... there in China! ... ALL while James and I have been training to go to Chengdu.  This is not a lie or an exaggeration!]


So, anyway, last night after we got home from our long day learning eleventy bazillion new things about visas... and after we fed ourselves and our children... and did some homework... (etc.)... James happily chirped again about our New! Chengdu! Address! and wanted to know if I'd seen it and the email.


No, I hadn't.


So he brought his iPad over and showed the address to me.  And the address** read:



James D. Adventure and EFM

Unit 1234, Box 4567

DPO, AP 12345-6789



[**Okay, that might not be our last name.  And those might not be the exact numbers.  But you get the point.]


And the following conversation was immediately had:


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(Me, incensed, and poking a finger at the address):  What the HELL?!?! When people we know send us mail, they'll address us as "James and EFM"?!?! Like, they'll write "EFM" on their envelopes in the place of my NAME?!?!


(James, distressed):  Huh?  No!


(Me, continuing, and going into orbit):  What the HELL?!?!  I HAVE A NAME!  I HAVE A FREAKING NAME!!!!!!  HOW CAN THEY STRIP ME OF MY NAME ON OFFICIAL MAIL THAT OFFICIALLY IS SENT THROUGH THE OFFICIAL U.S. POST OFFICE!?!?!?


(James, wringing hands and hoping to avoid continued crisis):  What?  NO!  That's not what happens!  Look at the Official Email!  The email clearly states that "EFM and MOH individuals on orders can receive mail under their names using the same box number!"  People can use your name!  They won't be writing "EFM" on the envelopes!


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But by then, the damage was done.  Even the mere THOUGHT that people would send us mail for two years in Chengdu addressed to "James D. Adventure and EFM" sent me through the roof and into the stratosphere. 


As I banged pots and pans around the kitchen during dinnertime, I mused at the abject absurdity of it all.  Would people be able to just send the mail to "EFM" and have it get there, if they meant it to be for me?  Or would they have to use my last name, at least, and send it to "EFM Adventure?" 


And what about common envelope courtesy?  I'm married, after all!  Could I not even at least be "Mrs. EFM Adventure?" or did I lose the Mrs. completely?  Sort of like The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, you know?  Like now I'm just "EFM" to the post office. 


Ah, well, that was yesterday and tonight I'm far more balanced.  I think long-term language training makes everyone really cranky.  I'm not the only one who started off in Chinese, finished up in ConGen and got grouchy along the way.  If the same thing can happen to Katie and James (Rock Star in Dhaka), then I'm in really good company, because they're both really great people.  I think long-term training can really be trying to the soul.


The end.

An Intro to ConGen: There's Good News, and There's Bad News.

[But before I get to either, a quick RoundUp note:  Many thanks to Sara at Wife-Mommy-Woman for her RoundUp about Kitchens in the Foreign Service!  Next week: Sadie at Sadie Abroad will be hosting on the topic of Collections in the Foreign Service:  What do you collect, what do you want to collect, what do you wish you didn't collect, etc. Thank you for volunteering, ladies!)


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Okay, so, the good news is that I have officially made it through the first two (out of a total of four? Or five?) tests in my ConGen class without flunking out of ConGen. 


This is a big deal, actually, because on the very first day of ConGen we were told all about what the expectations were.*  (I'm really, REALLY glad ConGen does this, because language departments don't, and they end up with people behaving worse than kindergartners, which is really sad, and which may end up being a different blog post someday.  We'll see. I actually have never blogged about this because I'm still so hopping mad over a lot of what I saw go down in language training.  Some people need to grow the hell up.)


[* For example, and I'm not making this up, you will not eat full/hot/noisy meals in ConGen class.  Nor will you play video games on your handheld, fun electronic device (during class).  Nor will you take phone calls, nor will you text message in class.  Nor will you be more than just a couple of minutes late to class.  Nor will you ALWAYS be HABITUALLY late to class.  Etc., etc., etc.  Sounds like basic stuff, right?  Well, you'd be surprised... I saw some truly egregious stuff go down in language training and if I wrote about it, I don't know that you folks would even believe me!  Anyway... ]


And while we were being told what ConGen expects of us, we were informed that spouses/EFMs will be tossed out of ConGen for not passing the tests.  If I remember correctly, if officers fail tests, they get recycled.  If spouses/EFMs fail tests, though, they get tossed out on their fannies.  Not that I have a historical habit of failing tests, mind you... it's just an extra layer of terror, is all.


So the fact that I have now survived two tests makes me happy.  That's the good news. 


The bad news is that as of Monday I'm starting the part of the course that is the most difficult.  But before I talk about that, let me catch you up.


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                                        ConGen:  An Introduction


For those of you who have not (yet?) had the pleasure of attending ConGen, I'd like to help give you a brief introduction.  In fact, how's about you keep up with me and we learn it together!  Sure, you'll miss out on some of the finer nuances, maybe, but actually you can at least get a good idea of what James and I are up to these six weeks or so. 


Ready?





The first many days go something like this:  A baby is born at some point in time in some random place on the Earth.  Is that baby a U.S. citizen?


Hmmmm....  well, that question could potentially be easy to answer (the baby is born this evening in Idaho = probably YES!), and could potentially be harder to answer (the baby is born outside of the US and has only one biological U.S. citizen parent).  YOU KNOW THIS WHOLE SCENARIO SOUNDS WICKED FASCINATING, DON'T YOU!  In fact, you are DYING to go here and learn all about it!  And when you're done with that, you want to learn all about passports! 


Aren't YOU just the self-teaching wonder!


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(The above graphic is totally awesome and can be found here.)


The next many days of ConGen address the following:  A non-US-citizen living in any country other than the US wants to come and live forever and ever in America.  Do we let them?  (Translation:  Immigration stuff).


Well, you know.  This is all totally complicated.


Someone interested in addressing that question might want to read about jobs or read about families or even go read that cartoon-thingee, shown above, if you haven't already. 


In fact, if you want to self-teach a lot of the ConGen that you're missing, you can basically go here and learn that whole, entire website, and then go here and learn THAT whole, entire website (complete with the plethora of documents that would need to be filed in all scenarios *and* their filing fees).


[Also:  No joke - I sorta kinda wish I'd reviewed those websites before starting ConGen.  I think it would have been really helpful for me, as my background was in federal law but not immigration/citizenship/visa/passport/etc. law.  So I walked in without any foundation, and spent a lot of time playing catch-up. Not. Fun.]


So, there you have it.  What you've missed so far in ConGen. 


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So.  What's left now is what awaits me next week when I tackle the question:  A non-US-citizen wants to come to the US to visit.  Do we let them?  (Translation: Non-Immigrant stuff).


Why do all the students I've spoken to who have already gone through ConGen universally state that this topic is the most difficult?  That this topic's TEST is the most difficult?


Um, go here and look at that freaking long LIST.  A nightmare of letters and numbers, my friends, and James and I get to learn them all in a frighteningly small period of time.  (Complete with documents to be filed and filing fees for such.)


Hold me.


So if I'm not online much, it's because the frighteningly long list of letters and numbers is winning.  And did I mention that I'm STILL not getting paid to do any of this?!  It's the EFM's curse. 


I swear to you guys, after being in training for almost the last YEAR without getting paid a DIME, my first State Department pay stub (assuming I can convince someone at post to hire me?) is going up on my wall, FRAMED, and in my scrapbook and probably even up on my blog.  Because after all this time in training without even either of us being on per diem or in Oakwood or anything, I'm ready to send State a letter.  Which would read, in pertinent part: 


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Dear State Department,


FREAKING PAY ME ALREADY. 


Sincerely,

A Daring Adventure


p.s. Please?  PRETTY PLEASE???