A Daring Adventure

Back to School Time - For Me, Too! (or: An EFM Job Update)

Lots of curious folks have asked what's new in my quest for getting a job here at post.  You know, the whole trying-to-get-an-EFM-job-at-post thing.


Just in case you've missed the story, the bottom line is that for a year I was in training at FSI (both in Chinese and in ConGen) in hopes to *qualify* for a certain job here at post (Professional Adjudication Specialist) in the Consular Section. But passing Chinese and ConGen were only the first steps in the quest to even qualify for this job... I have also gone through (and still would have to go through) other steps, as well.  


For example, I got to post in September, and I interviewed for the job in October. I was the only applicant for the position, so I guess I could make a joke here about how THE COMPETITION WAS FIERCE! (ha ha).  Somewhere along the line, I guess they decided to let me continue in the process for the job, because a few weeks after the interview I was told that the next step for me (in order to qualify for the job - I haven't been offered it yet) would be to go through the clearance process.  I applied for the clearance a few weeks ago.  It was quite a production.


After I clicked "send" or "submit" or whatever one clicks when one is totally done with all the eQUIP information gathering and compiling, I went on with my life.  I wasn't sure what to expect next.  Back when James was hired by DS in 2008, he was given phone numbers and email addresses that he could call or contact if he had questions or wanted to ask about updates... but I have nothing like any of that.  I actually pressed "send" or "submit" and then the window or page disappeared into never-never land, and that was all.  I didn't get any verification email or any "Okay! We got your application for your clearance!" notification or anything at all. Really- ever since submitting my stuff a few weeks ago, I've not heard one single thing about whether it was received or anything.  Who knows?  Maybe that's normal.


I've had people say to me, "Well, James is DS!  Surely James would know!" but James doesn't know.  I have heard rumors that other spouses in other countries who were hoping for jobs at post have been able to get something like a temporary clearance or an interim clearance that would allow them to start work immediately, but I have been offered no such thing. I've heard a rumor that interim clearances are only available in certain countries/posts and maybe mine isn't one of them. Who knows?  Certainly not I.  I mean, my clearance information was as spic and span as a real human being's can be, I would think. I didn't even have a single foreign contact or a single overseas visit anywhere.  I have good credit.  Again -who knows?  This process is a mystery.


After submitting all of the clearance information, I told myself that I would wait a while and see what happened. But since nothing has happened, I'm assuming that I won't get an interim clearance, and since I won't get an interim clearance, I'm assuming that, even if I am ultimately offered the job, it won't be for a long, long, LONG time.  We're talking multiple, multiple months.  I have heard rumors that EFM clearances can take up to 7 or 8 months to process... or more.  Again, who knows?  Certainly not I.  I'm just sort of along for the ride.


And you know what?  It's totally fine.  Truly and seriously.  Of course, if someone had told me right after I killed myself getting my 2/1+ in Mandarin and then, the next day, started (and then later passed) ConGen (all unpaid, of course, and with us not even being in Oakwood, but paying expensive rent that whole time) that I *wouldn't* have a job after I got to post, I would have pitched a royal hissy fit the size of Texas (as I am wont to do).  But now - it's actually, truly fine. 


One of the biggest reasons why I wanted the Chinese score and the Consular job here at post was because I really was seriously considering tossing my hat into the FSO ring.  You know, taking the test and hoping I could make it through the FSO hiring process.  I was hoping that my Chinese score and some time working in the Consulate would be beneficial for that (I mean, seriously, right now are *any* FSOs getting hired *without* language points?).  And maybe things will change... really, maybe they will... but at this point in time that ultimate goal/desire (to be an FSO when I grow up) has ebbed away and has been replaced with other interests. 


Bottom line?  I'm going back to school.  I'm starting on Monday morning with online classes (10 credit hours).  Yes, I have a Bachelor's Degree in Political Science from a good school, but I'm sort of toying with changing to something completely and totally different. As in, so different it isn't even in the State ball park.


I'm excited!  Being in Chinese showed me that my crotchety old brain could still handle rigorous studying.  That even when sitting in class with 20-year-olds, I could still hold my own academically. Big time.


So not only do my sons go back to school on Monday morning... so do I!  We'll see where this ends up. I may hate being back in school.  I may hate studying something other than politics.  But China has no bilateral work agreement, which means that I literally am not allowed to get a job anywhere in Chengdu other than at the Consulate, and I can't get a job at the Consulate without a clearance, and I have no idea what in the world will ultimately happen with that, so it's time to spread my wings and try something that isn't State-related.  If I like it, I like it, and if I don't... no harm done!  


At least it's something to do and be really excited about!  Which, for us EFMs, really is half the battle.  If not more.  And yes, I truly am excited!  Which is a huge, huge blessing.
 

 

All The Glamorous Stuff You've Missed!

Hey, you guys!  Long time no see!


[But before we all catch up and stuff, I just want to thank Ogles & Observations for volunteering at the last minute to host this week's State Department Blog RoundUp!]


Okay, so, you've missed a lot, right?  Such as:


1.)  My oldest son sat in a wheelchair and tied a diaper around his face.  No, really!  See?





Okay, okay, maybe the "diaper" that's tied around his face is actually a newfangled ice pack 'specially made for, like, tying around faces and stuff.  And maybe he was in a wheelchair because he was in the hospital because he had all of his wisdom teeth removed under general anesthesia. 


And maybe he had to be put under general anesthetic because his gag reflex is so bad that even the doctor acting like he was going to look at my son's teeth made my son... you know... reflexively gag.  It's stuff like that that buys you hospital visits and general anesthesia, kid.  Lesson learned.


2.)  I graduated from ConGen!  And I didn't even fail one single test! 


The last couple of weeks of ConGen included stuff having to do with American Citizen Services things that goes on overseas, such as what happens if and when American citizens either die or go to jail in other countries.  Which actually happens in real life, my teachers told me.  Which all sounds so sad.  So let's not talk about it, okay?  I don't want to cry.


3.)  After graduating from ConGen, I then took a two-day class called "1001 Ways State Department People Die Overseas." 


Ha ha!!  That's not its real name, of course!  But it could be, which is scary. 


There's, like, FIRE and CAR ACCIDENTS and PESTICIDES and CAR ACCIDENTS and RAPE and CAR ACCIDENTS and MURDER and CAR ACCIDENTS and KIDNAPPING and CAR ACCIDENTS and DROWNING IN POOLS and CAR ACCIDENTS and CARJACKINGS and CAR ACCIDENTS and BOMBINGS and CAR ACCIDENTS**... do you see a theme here?  I'll just bet you do, because you're very smart. 


[**Which is all most interesting, especially since all manner of Congresspeople want to quit paying State employees huge chunks of their salary while they're posted overseas.]  


The best part of the class was that I got to sit next to one of my favoritest people ever - Digger at Life After Jerusalem - which just goes to show that sometimes The Universe is nice to me and does something to improve my pre-moving, wishing-for-death-anyway morale.


She pretty much could have, like, TAUGHT the class because she's been through some of what they talked about in the class.  But she was a student instead of a teacher which was all the better for me because I had a hilarious/witty friend to sit with!


4.)  James and I pack out soon (this coming Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday).  We will pack out EVERYTHING WE OWN from our rental house, since we PCS'ed here a year ago.  That means we have UAB, HHE, Storage *AND* Consumables.


And not only do we have normal Consumables, but my husband's job title + some sort of rules = we only get ONE Consumables shipment the whole entire time we're in China (2 years).  Which means no additional or add-on shipments for us.  Which means I'm buying everything we need for all two years. 


Oh, the joy. 


So our days have looked a lot like this:






Which is James IN THE RAIN, outside of Costco, navigating river puddles while his wife snaps pictures of his suffering for her blog. 


Because that's the sort of awesome, helpful, loving wife that I am. 


The above picture represents about $940 worth of Costco consumables.  Which means that the other $3,000+ that we've already spent during other shopping trips to other places isn't pictured.  But you're smart so you can just sort of picture all of that in your mind. 


When all is said and done, I'm thinking we're going to be a good $5,000 into Consumables for our 2 years in China.  And I'm sure I'm going to forget a whole freaking lot of stuff and feel like a total moron when I unpack our consumables in China months from now and realize that I bought eleventy bazillion of X but none of Y.  I'M BRACED FOR IT.  BRING IT ON, FEELING STUPID - I'M A PRO AT THAT BY NOW.


So now you're sort of caught up!  Sorry I was gone so long, but in balancing class at FSI with a family *and* getting ready to move overseas... well... internet time was the first thing to go! 


T minus THREE DAYS to packout!

A Really Strange Day & Why No Love for the DS Agents?!

So I was perusing the totally nifty videos on State's Official Page of People Doing Awesome Stuff (gosh, I *love* the video titled "Michelle and Mary," by the way!), and you know what I realized?!


If you scroll down past all the Foreign Service Officer Awesomeness Stories, you get a set of Foreign Service Specialist Awesomeness Stories.  And you know what?  There's not ONE SINGLE VIDEO of any DS Agents!  There are two Security Engineering Officers and a Security Technical Specialist... but not a single Agent.


Yo, whassup with THAT?! 


                                                 ~  ~  ~






In other news, today is a really strange day.  I don't know if you already heard about this, but FSI is closed today.**  Here's how this went down.


[**For all but a small subsection of people, like those going to Iraq and stuff, etc.  But for language and regular training people, CLOSED.]


Late yesterday afternoon, we trainee folks were wrapping up our last classes when, all of a sudden, the FSI building lost power.  It was very bizarre!  And then it started getting a little warmer in the building, and a little warmer...


Anyway, classes were sent home (only the tiniest bit early). 


Then, this morning, James and I got a phone call from a friend who had gotten to FSI before we left home.  FSI was still closed, she told us!  And it was going to be closed all day today!  Some lady was actually standing outside of FSI with a big sign (!!) which listed off the small subsection of people who were still required to enter the (stifling?  I don't know...) building for training.  The rest of us were cut loose for the day.


Our first reaction was horror.  Because you cannot miss even a single class of ConGen and still graduate, which means that somewhere the folks running ConGen have a HUGE headache on their hands.  How to re-structure the classes missed without it being a gigantic problem?  And also, James and I are in the middle of planning every last second of our travel plans post-FSI and pre-Chengdu, complete with plane tickets and hotel stays.  Will this FSI shutdown end up derailing our lives? (We hope not.  James thinks not.)


But, on the other hand, James and I just had to laugh.  Because we were here ALL LAST WINTER, and not a single day was lost to snow.  Not *one* snow day!  Sure, I think one morning we had a delayed opening by two hours, but that's all, and stuff still opened by 9:30 am, if I remember correctly.  So, no big deal.


So, this means that this whole last year of our training, we had ZERO snow days, but we now have had a HEAT day.  (I have to imagine that something at FSI got overloaded because of the crazy high heat index - 117 today! - but that's just pure speculation on my part.  I could be totally wrong.  I often am.)


So that's totally wicked crazy! 


A heat day!  Go figure.

Last Night's Meltdown Cow

(Of mine, obviously.)


(Since James has never had and WILL never have anything even remotely resembling a "meltdown cow.")


                                                  ~ ~ ~


So, evidently, yesterday we got an Official Email all officially telling us that we now have a new Official Chengdu Address.


You know, for people to, like, mail us stuff when we're on the other side of the earth. James, of course, was the recipient of said Official Email, since I'm all Just a Wife and he's all The Employee.  Because now that my husband has aced his language exam, stuff is TOTALLY starting to happen right quick around here.**


[**And so, this might be a good time to pass on some DS gossip from multiple, extremely well-placed sources: DS folks in language training not only WILL NOT be allowed to process ANY travel-related plans until after they get the scores they need, but there also WILL NOT be ANY language waivers granted to any DS person for any reason, period.  So just remember all this stuff when you're bidding and trying desperately to get overseas.  Are you really ready to bid on that spot that has a language requirement?  Only you know that answer to that.]

So James forwarded the Official Email to me and was all happy and excited all day long. Because we had an address!  For when we're in Chengdu!  Something real!  And official!  Like we're really, actually going!**


[**And before you scoff at me, Dear Reader, I have to tell you the following:  You see these people (A Fisher Out of Water)?  These people who are currently posted in China?  Okay, get this:  we had dinner with them (they're delightful) when they were just brand-new applicants to the Foreign Service, long ago.  Even back then, James had long been paneled to Chengdu.  These people have since gone through the hiring process, been hired, been A-100ded, gone through language, moved to post, gotten pregnant and HAD A FREAKING BABY... there in China! ... ALL while James and I have been training to go to Chengdu.  This is not a lie or an exaggeration!]


So, anyway, last night after we got home from our long day learning eleventy bazillion new things about visas... and after we fed ourselves and our children... and did some homework... (etc.)... James happily chirped again about our New! Chengdu! Address! and wanted to know if I'd seen it and the email.


No, I hadn't.


So he brought his iPad over and showed the address to me.  And the address** read:



James D. Adventure and EFM

Unit 1234, Box 4567

DPO, AP 12345-6789



[**Okay, that might not be our last name.  And those might not be the exact numbers.  But you get the point.]


And the following conversation was immediately had:


                                                  ~   ~   ~


(Me, incensed, and poking a finger at the address):  What the HELL?!?! When people we know send us mail, they'll address us as "James and EFM"?!?! Like, they'll write "EFM" on their envelopes in the place of my NAME?!?!


(James, distressed):  Huh?  No!


(Me, continuing, and going into orbit):  What the HELL?!?!  I HAVE A NAME!  I HAVE A FREAKING NAME!!!!!!  HOW CAN THEY STRIP ME OF MY NAME ON OFFICIAL MAIL THAT OFFICIALLY IS SENT THROUGH THE OFFICIAL U.S. POST OFFICE!?!?!?


(James, wringing hands and hoping to avoid continued crisis):  What?  NO!  That's not what happens!  Look at the Official Email!  The email clearly states that "EFM and MOH individuals on orders can receive mail under their names using the same box number!"  People can use your name!  They won't be writing "EFM" on the envelopes!


                                                   ~   ~   ~


But by then, the damage was done.  Even the mere THOUGHT that people would send us mail for two years in Chengdu addressed to "James D. Adventure and EFM" sent me through the roof and into the stratosphere. 


As I banged pots and pans around the kitchen during dinnertime, I mused at the abject absurdity of it all.  Would people be able to just send the mail to "EFM" and have it get there, if they meant it to be for me?  Or would they have to use my last name, at least, and send it to "EFM Adventure?" 


And what about common envelope courtesy?  I'm married, after all!  Could I not even at least be "Mrs. EFM Adventure?" or did I lose the Mrs. completely?  Sort of like The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, you know?  Like now I'm just "EFM" to the post office. 


Ah, well, that was yesterday and tonight I'm far more balanced.  I think long-term language training makes everyone really cranky.  I'm not the only one who started off in Chinese, finished up in ConGen and got grouchy along the way.  If the same thing can happen to Katie and James (Rock Star in Dhaka), then I'm in really good company, because they're both really great people.  I think long-term training can really be trying to the soul.


The end.

An Intro to ConGen: There's Good News, and There's Bad News.

[But before I get to either, a quick RoundUp note:  Many thanks to Sara at Wife-Mommy-Woman for her RoundUp about Kitchens in the Foreign Service!  Next week: Sadie at Sadie Abroad will be hosting on the topic of Collections in the Foreign Service:  What do you collect, what do you want to collect, what do you wish you didn't collect, etc. Thank you for volunteering, ladies!)


                                                 ~   ~   ~


Okay, so, the good news is that I have officially made it through the first two (out of a total of four? Or five?) tests in my ConGen class without flunking out of ConGen. 


This is a big deal, actually, because on the very first day of ConGen we were told all about what the expectations were.*  (I'm really, REALLY glad ConGen does this, because language departments don't, and they end up with people behaving worse than kindergartners, which is really sad, and which may end up being a different blog post someday.  We'll see. I actually have never blogged about this because I'm still so hopping mad over a lot of what I saw go down in language training.  Some people need to grow the hell up.)


[* For example, and I'm not making this up, you will not eat full/hot/noisy meals in ConGen class.  Nor will you play video games on your handheld, fun electronic device (during class).  Nor will you take phone calls, nor will you text message in class.  Nor will you be more than just a couple of minutes late to class.  Nor will you ALWAYS be HABITUALLY late to class.  Etc., etc., etc.  Sounds like basic stuff, right?  Well, you'd be surprised... I saw some truly egregious stuff go down in language training and if I wrote about it, I don't know that you folks would even believe me!  Anyway... ]


And while we were being told what ConGen expects of us, we were informed that spouses/EFMs will be tossed out of ConGen for not passing the tests.  If I remember correctly, if officers fail tests, they get recycled.  If spouses/EFMs fail tests, though, they get tossed out on their fannies.  Not that I have a historical habit of failing tests, mind you... it's just an extra layer of terror, is all.


So the fact that I have now survived two tests makes me happy.  That's the good news. 


The bad news is that as of Monday I'm starting the part of the course that is the most difficult.  But before I talk about that, let me catch you up.


                                                      ~   ~   ~


                                        ConGen:  An Introduction


For those of you who have not (yet?) had the pleasure of attending ConGen, I'd like to help give you a brief introduction.  In fact, how's about you keep up with me and we learn it together!  Sure, you'll miss out on some of the finer nuances, maybe, but actually you can at least get a good idea of what James and I are up to these six weeks or so. 


Ready?





The first many days go something like this:  A baby is born at some point in time in some random place on the Earth.  Is that baby a U.S. citizen?


Hmmmm....  well, that question could potentially be easy to answer (the baby is born this evening in Idaho = probably YES!), and could potentially be harder to answer (the baby is born outside of the US and has only one biological U.S. citizen parent).  YOU KNOW THIS WHOLE SCENARIO SOUNDS WICKED FASCINATING, DON'T YOU!  In fact, you are DYING to go here and learn all about it!  And when you're done with that, you want to learn all about passports! 


Aren't YOU just the self-teaching wonder!


                                                   ~   ~   ~



(The above graphic is totally awesome and can be found here.)


The next many days of ConGen address the following:  A non-US-citizen living in any country other than the US wants to come and live forever and ever in America.  Do we let them?  (Translation:  Immigration stuff).


Well, you know.  This is all totally complicated.


Someone interested in addressing that question might want to read about jobs or read about families or even go read that cartoon-thingee, shown above, if you haven't already. 


In fact, if you want to self-teach a lot of the ConGen that you're missing, you can basically go here and learn that whole, entire website, and then go here and learn THAT whole, entire website (complete with the plethora of documents that would need to be filed in all scenarios *and* their filing fees).


[Also:  No joke - I sorta kinda wish I'd reviewed those websites before starting ConGen.  I think it would have been really helpful for me, as my background was in federal law but not immigration/citizenship/visa/passport/etc. law.  So I walked in without any foundation, and spent a lot of time playing catch-up. Not. Fun.]


So, there you have it.  What you've missed so far in ConGen. 


                                                      ~   ~   ~






So.  What's left now is what awaits me next week when I tackle the question:  A non-US-citizen wants to come to the US to visit.  Do we let them?  (Translation: Non-Immigrant stuff).


Why do all the students I've spoken to who have already gone through ConGen universally state that this topic is the most difficult?  That this topic's TEST is the most difficult?


Um, go here and look at that freaking long LIST.  A nightmare of letters and numbers, my friends, and James and I get to learn them all in a frighteningly small period of time.  (Complete with documents to be filed and filing fees for such.)


Hold me.


So if I'm not online much, it's because the frighteningly long list of letters and numbers is winning.  And did I mention that I'm STILL not getting paid to do any of this?!  It's the EFM's curse. 


I swear to you guys, after being in training for almost the last YEAR without getting paid a DIME, my first State Department pay stub (assuming I can convince someone at post to hire me?) is going up on my wall, FRAMED, and in my scrapbook and probably even up on my blog.  Because after all this time in training without even either of us being on per diem or in Oakwood or anything, I'm ready to send State a letter.  Which would read, in pertinent part: 


                                                ~   ~   ~


Dear State Department,


FREAKING PAY ME ALREADY. 


Sincerely,

A Daring Adventure


p.s. Please?  PRETTY PLEASE???

I'm Certain I Heard What You Didn't Say

Okay, so.


Today was my first day of ConGen.


And it's obvious to me that my brain and I need to have a little talk with each other.


This is because my brain is not correctly hearing what the ConGen people are saying.  Which, you know, could possibly be a problem.


I'll give you a little example.


Since it's the beginning of ConGen, and since ConGen is (I kid you not) a supremely well-oiled machine, they have begun by telling us what they will be telling us over the next many weeks.


You know, like any good presentation of new information: you tell people what you're going to be telling them, then you tell them what you want to tell them, then you remind them of what you told them. It's all about being clear.


So, today was them telling us all about what they're going to be telling us about. A day of introductions, if you will.


The only problem is that my brain can't hear what they're saying.


Case in point:  Take the two basic kinds of visas. Immigrant visas (IV) and Nonimmigrant visas (NIV).


[See that?  There are only two categories. TWO. This shouldn't be hard. This should be easy! But...]


Now, I have a bit of a medical background. So, when I hear/see the acronym "IV" I automatically think: Plastic tube in your wrist used to give you fluids, like in the hospital. Often keeps you from dying. Rather handy at times.


I also, throughout my life, have attended different forms of Presbyterian and Episcopal churches. Thus, when I hear/see "NIV" I automatically think: Kind of Bible translation. Different from KJV and NASV, etc. Christians like to argue about which one is better. Which is sort of lame.


And I'm not having this problem with just the two visa types - oh, no. The problem is far more widespread.  For example...


I'm married to a federal law enforcement officer. When I hear/see "FAM" (some sort of book or manual or something?) I think: Federal Air Marshals. Fly around on planes and stuff. Keep the airways safe, etc. Sucks for them that they're part of TSA.


So in class today, this is what my brain heard:


"Welcome to ConGen! During your time here, you'll be learning about (plastic tubing that goes in your arm that's used to give a patient fluids in the hospital) and (a kind of Bible translation that is used by different churches). You'll also be hearing about (Federal Air Marshals flying around on planes)."


LOVELY.


It will be interesting if and when there will come a day when my brain will hear:


"Welcome to ConGen! During your time here, you'll be learning about (one specific type of visa) and (another specific type of visa). You'll also be hearing about (a manual of rules or something)."


But between now and then?   Yeah.  My brain needs to get itself together. And right quickly, might I add.


Because it's also hearing about lots of stock ticker symbols (!!) and brands of guns (!!!) all the time. Heaven help me - when "FAM" is used together with the acronym that is the same as a particular brand of gun (Federal Air Marshals! Guns! Those two *totally* make sense together! Don't make fun of me!) my brain goes 100% law enforcement and I have to drag it back, kicking and screaming, to the classroom full of acronyms it *thinks* it knows but it actually doesn't really.


But it's really super-nifty-fun to be back in the universe of all things legal/law-ish! For many years, I worked in the legal world. I've really missed it, so this is a treat.


(See also: ConGen doesn't start at 7:40 every single morning M-F like Chinese used to! Good heavens, what's not to like?!)


(And even FURTHER see: ConGen is entirely in English! ALL OF IT!! Every last word on every last page! It's all in English! GLORY HALLELUJAH!!)