In Which The Whole EFM-Job-for-Me-Thing Comes to An End

Last you heard, it was Chinese New Year here and people were bombing the place. I am happy to report that Chinese New Year is now OVER (YAY!), and life here in Chengdu has gotten back to normal.  Which is totally awesome.  And I want to write about it - I really do - but I feel like I have one last EFM Job type of blog post I have to write for you guys before I can permanently move on to other topics. Forever.


Okay, so, on the EFM-Job-for-Me topic, the last you guys heard was that I had submitted my e-Quip on December the 1st (which is how one starts one's clearance process.  Mine was 33 pages... how long was yours?) and then didn't hear anything at all back about it.  And so I decided that I just couldn't take being at post and literally not having anything at all to do, so I started back to school doing something completely and totally non-State.  Because being at post without having anything at all to do is lonely.  And isolating.  And depressing.


Time went by.  It was getting into February without my having heard a single word about the clearance I had submitted on December 1st.  An irritating aspect of this is that I never ever - not EVER - got a single shred of paper or email or directions or instructions or anything at all that told me how to follow up about my clearance to check its progress or find out if everything was okay with it. 


And just in case anyone wants to be let into the real story behind the front door of our apartment, James and I went through some tense discussions about what we should do next.  Since I have now been through this horrible EFM job process, I am therefore very, very sympathetic to EFMs worldwide who are trying desperately to get jobs.  Because China and the US don't have a bilateral work agreement, I'm literally not allowed to work anywhere but the Consulate, so that just ups the emotional ante (never mind the fact that I trained at FSI for a whole year, UNPAID, in hopes of being able to get this job).  


And my opinion is that the fact that my husband is DS should not in any way benefit me as it relates to my job application process.  Because not all EFMs are married to DS, that's why.


So I wanted to refuse to let James "help" me figure out what was going on with my clearance.  And by "help" me, I mean that I initially refused to allow James to pass along to me the general email box email address for the clearance people in DC. If State wanted me to have that email address, I told him, then they could very well give it to me (or have given it to me) themselves. That it was absurd that I'm sitting at post five months after getting here, SEVEN months after being qualified for the job (the day I graduated from ConGen I was qualified for the job, since I had already passed Chinese) and not only had I not even been offered the job, I didn't even have any way to contact anyone in DC to ask about my clearance.  That all the other EFMs worldwide hoping for jobs weren't married to DS guys who happened to have been communicating with the clearance people for other reasons and could therefore pass their general email address along to their applicant wives who were in the dark about their own clearances.


James argued that the cobbler's wife may well go without shoes, but his wife wasn't going to go without a clearance update seeing as that he knew the general email box address of the clearance people and could give it to me.  That any and all active State applicants are SUPPOSED TO get this general email address during the clearance process, so his giving it to me isn't some sort of you're-sleeping-with-a-DS-Agent-advantage.  Both of us completely agreed that HIS directly asking anyone for an update about my clearance was COMPLETELY off the table, so the only thing left was for ME to ask.  He gave me the email address and basically told me FOR THE LOVE OF GOD to just email the people already and be done with it so we could move on.   


So I did.  I used the email address James gave me (if any EFM needs it, just email me. I'm happy to share!) and I wrote an email to the clearance people.  I provided my name, DOB, SSN, position for which I was being considered, current post, date I'd submitted my eQuip paperwork online, etc.  And then I waited for their update. 


Three days later, the clearance people in DC wrote me back.  This was literally what they said, word for word, verbatim, in their email to me:


"We have no record of you in our system.  Did you apply with the Department of State?"


Of course, I was thinking only in CAPS and italics.  And probably four-letter-words, to be perfectly honest.  For so long - SO LONG - I had pushed the chain that was this job and had come on my blog (and ranted and cried) and whined to my husband (and ranted and cried) and called my parents (and ranted and cried) and emailed my girlfriends (and ranted and cried), and this email from the clearance people was just the icing on the cake.


But then, after ranting and crying, I calmed down.  And I thought for a really long time.  


And I thought.


And I thought.


And during my thoughts, I faced reality.  


The reality, my friends, is that even if I re-started my clearance process now, in February, I wouldn't have my clearance until probably the fall.  If then.  Let's not forget that EFM clearances can take even up to eight months or more, I've heard, when you're overseas, which could put me into October or beyond, even.  Which would give me just nine or ten months left at post during which I could work before we would leave.  And during that short time, we'd also be taking a long R&R and getting ready to move.  And also, by then my FSI Chinese would be even more far gone than it is now (I've lost a ton of it), my oldest son would be in what may be his last year living in my home (he'll be a senior), and, even bigger than these issues, I would have to completely give up going to school in order to work full-time.  And I sure have liked being back in school.  


And during my thoughts, I also realized that maybe, just maybe, the reason why this whole EFM-employment-journey has been so horribly difficult for me has been because it wasn't meant to be.  You know, sometimes, when you want something really badly and you fight and claw and scratch for it and it doesn't happen - and you're mad and angry and furious - but then, later, you realize that it just wasn't meant to be?  Yeah.  Maybe that was what was going on here.  


So I said thank you, but I've decided to withdraw my name from consideration for the position.  

                                                   ~   ~   ~


I don't regret the journey.  Because, frustrating and painful though it has been every single step of the way, this last more-than-a-year of howling after the EFM job moon has also been powerfully instructive.  Language was torturous, and I don't think I'll ever use my score, but it showed me that I could still kick some serious booty in the classroom (I took the test a month early and got a better score than my target).  ConGen was interesting, and gave me some great insight into what goes on internationally with immigration law and what goes on in the Consular section of our Consulates and Embassies worldwide.  Trying to apply for an EFM job at post has shown me the realities of what EFMs face every day, and it is something that I don't believe I will ever seek again.  


So I'm moving forward.  I'm planning my online classes out through the rest of the time we have here in Chengdu.  I'm getting braver and venturing out into the community and doing things that I love doing and that feed my soul and my mind.  I'm finding my joy, and I hope and pray that other EFMs are finding theirs, also.  We are not alone - we have each other.  


And just in case any of you guys are wondering - I literally have no idea what went wrong with my clearance. Maybe it was never submitted to the people in DC.  Maybe it was actually submitted, but was never received by the people in DC.  Maybe it was both submitted to and received by the people in DC, and then subsequently lost or something.  I have no idea, and neither does James.  Neither of us has heard a single word about it. 


The only email or communication I have ever gotten from State about my clearance was the one I quoted to you, above.  And since I have withdrawn myself from consideration for the position, I'm sure I'll never hear anything further.  But it isn't too thrilling that, somewhere in the cyberspace-y universe (that is very vast), 33 pages of my PII are floating in limbo, and we have no idea who has all of that personal information about me.  It's the sort of thing that would keep DS-y sorts of folks awake at night, you know?  But some mysteries will never be solved, my friends, and this is probably one of them.  


And thus closes the final chapter of my quest for EFM job-y sorts of things.  Or even non-EFM job-y sorts of things, since I am no longer interested in trying to become an FSO. 


The end.

Comments

[Lisa]

How utterly frustrating.

[DS]

May I just say in Chengdunese -
我的天啊。・我的天啊 wuh de tyen, ah!!!!

[Mom]

Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

[naoma lee]

Ohhhh, how exceptionally frustrating! And how very open minded & open hearted of you to know when to just let it go.

NKL

[Any Mouse]

HR may not have released your e-quip to DS. Incredibly frustrating and scarily common.

[Hayley]

Sorry about all that! I know who really WOULD appreciate your presence...orphans! Could you volunteer at a local orphanage? They would never forget your kindness, and you would never forget those little ones who have no one! (which seems like a more lasting relationship to me than with your efm security clearance friends)
Hayley

[TulipGirl]

Frustrating to tears. . . Really. Oh, wow.

[Sam]

(((HUGS!))) SO proud of you!!! You are a class act!

[Sam]

PS
Now you will have some time to put your alltime favorite blogs & pics together and get your self published! I want to buy signed first edition copy!!! :0)

[Matt Keene]

Ugh. Speechless. But, you know, even if you don't do EFM work in Chengdu, you may find you want to do it in the future. Or there may be some other reason you'll need a clearance that you can't foresee right now; for that reason alone, you might want to push the ball across the goal line, just so you have it done.

Why does everything in this career have to be this difficult?

[Daniela]

Omg, how unbelievably infuriating! If you have indeed given up and moved on, then more power to you - best of luck in school and exploring China. However, chances are your info is still saved under your SSN in the eqip database. I just went through the process and completely identify with the pain of putting all the info together (being foreign born and all mine was 50 pages) but as Amy M pointed out, it is possible that it was SUBMITTED but not RELEASED to DS (these are two different things and I was forever confused about them). If you did not RELEASE your clearance after SUBMITTING it, DS will never see it. And as Matt said, you may want to look into what happened just because you never know when you may need a clearance in the future. I'm more than happy to talk to you about this, if you want. You've definitely proven that you can kick ass in whatever you do, so best of luck, Kolbi!!!

[Carla Runs The World]

No! Don't go dark! What's the fun of that? Post sporadically if that's what you need, but don't stop posting!