Further Adventures in Bidding Hilarity

So, after my post yesterday (detailing our bidding misery), I got a TON of super helpful input from my friends and family. You know, great new ideas and information and, like, tips and stuff. Things James and I had never thought of before!


For example, a super awesome girlfriend of mine who will go unnamed... let's call her, oh, I don't know, Donna... went on to my Facebook page yesterday (the very same Facebook page I can't see/access because, as I've said a thousand times, I don't have a working VPN) and helpfully suggested that James bid for the disabled Carnival Cruise ship that is currently sloshing around human feces. 


James would, Donna kindly noted, have to temper his new-found bidding hope with the reality that, of course, he probably wouldn't get it... but "ARSO Disabled Feces-Sloshing Cruise Ship?!"  SIGN. US. UP!


Real Post Reports doesn't yet have an entry for Disabled Feces-Sloshing Cruise Ship, so I had to hit The Googles for more info. Good news, you guys: it really doesn't look half bad!

Here's a picture taken after the passengers initially abandoned their rooms. Holy cow, you guys - those mattresses look HUGE!! And super thick! Are those fluffy feather pillows?

I found some pictures of the housing...

Disabled Feces-Sloshing Cruise Ship's housing area is located in "Shantytown." The residents were able to pull their mattresses up the stairways and position them under some shady areas. I would imagine that, with the ocean breezes, the temperature range is always quite mild, and I can't imagine there are any mosquitoes!

You guys, do you know what this means?!?! No mosquitoes = no Dengue and no Malaria! Oh HELLS to the yes!


It doesn't get any easier than the housing's bathroom arrangement...

Residents of the Cruise Ship use convenient red biohazard waste bags as their restrooms. Do you KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!?! You never have to scrub a toilet! SCORE!!!

Couple all of this with the fact that I have ALWAYS wanted to go on a cruise, and I'm hoping against hope that I will soon be Mrs. ARSO Disabled Feces-Sloshing Cruise Ship. I know the odds are against us because it will probably have 50+ bids on it by the end of the weekend (just like everything else overseas always has), but a girl can dream. 


                                              ~   ~   ~ 


Meanwhile, back in the HOME OF MISERY, James and I had the following conversation:


James:  Well. So. I guess we talk about the domestic bid list.


me:  Why not? We've already established that it has Arkansas on it. What else?  


James:  Um, let's see. (::rifles through bidlist::)  There's also... Detroit.


me:  DETROIT.

James:  Yes.


me:  There are still people living in Detroit?


James: Evidently.


me:  I thought Detroit, like, closed or something. 


James:  Guess not.


me:  Wait - I remember reading something about Detroit in the news a couple of weeks ago. Isn't the Detroit Chamber of Commerce, like, giving free houses away to anyone who promises to move there or something?


James:  ::sigh::


me (continuing):  Does Detroit get Danger Pay?  


James:  ::deeper sigh::


                                             ~   ~   ~


Of course, after yesterday's blog post, a whole lot of people came out in favor of Hot Springs, Arkansas, including another girlfriend of mine who will go unnamed, but let's call her... I don't know... Jen.  


So Jen and I were emailing each other back and forth. And Jen, who is, as I am, very budget-conscious, was quick to point out one of Hot Springs' selling points...


~ ~ ~

Jen:  It's so CHEAP!


me:  Well, if you're going for cheap, then Hot Springs is horrifyingly expensive compared to DETROIT.


Jen (always trying to be helpful and lift people's spirits):  Detroit! If we were bidding, we'd be jumping on Detroit!


me:  You've got to be kidding. Tell me you're kidding.


Jen:  You can buy a house downtown for $5,000! 


me:  But then... you'd... own a house in Detroit. 


~  ~  ~


But Jen was not swayed away from the budgetary financial wonderment that is the promise of Detroit, and she even began sending me Yay! Detroit! sorts of website links, one of which included, in pertinent part, and I am NOT making this up:


 "In New York, you're a sparrow. In Detroit, you're a prized canary. This is Mecca for you, Mr. or Ms. Would-be Transplant... No other major metropolitan area will out-welcome Detroit's welcome. Give us your newcomers with moxie and talent. We'll mentor you, invest in you and invite you to parties."


Detroit wants to invite me to parties?


Look, Detroit. Not to be an obnoxious hag or anything (except I am), but I don't even go to parties in CHENGDU. Ask anyone here at post. So thank you so much for the very, very warm and very, very enthusiastic welcome, but no. No, we're not bidding on you.

Wait a minute - let me couch that.


If it so happens that the only things left on the bidlist are Hot Springs, Arkansas, Detroit, Michigan, and MSD (which it well may in the very near future), then James will be lobbying for Detroit like it's Brussels and London and The Hague all mixed together. But until then, no. NO we are NOT bidding Detroit.


The end. 

Comments

[Donna]

Clearly you need better friends.

[Diplogeek]

I actually had an A-100 colleague who was living in Detroit with his wife before joining State, and they loved it, for whatever that's worth.

Incidentally, someone recently said to me (long story as to why), "Hey, have you ever considered DS?" Thinking of your recent posts, I laughed and laughed. Yeah, no. Are they aware that any inkling at all of the DS bidding experience would be enough to make most potential new hires run screaming for the door, or do they just not care?

[*Jen*]

Well, you DO have moxie!

[Camille]

My Dad is from northern Florida (Middleburg. Whoopie.) and even THOSE backward hicks think Arkansas is foreign. I bet being posted in Arkansas is almost like being posted in Djibouti - you got a few religious extremists, it's hot as hell, everyone is doing drugs, you can't understand what anyone is saying - yeah, pretty much exactly the same! Except for all the, ya know, trees and grass and stuff.

[A Daring Adventure]

Donna, my friends are PERFECT. I wouldn't change a thing about them!

Diplogeek, gossip has it that there were something like 27,000 applicants last DS hiring cycle for what will end up probably being around 60 or so jobs. Don't think DS cares too much about their reputation with new hires regarding how hard it is to bid.

Jen, I have no moxie whatsoever. I am moxie-less.

Camille, I MISS YOU. And also, I have friends in Middleburg! James and I used to live in Jacksonville! He was a police officer there! The world is small...

[*Jen*]

Whatevs, you Prized Canary, you!

[JVW]

I feel like I should know this acronym, but I'm stumped. What's MSD?

[Kat]

Don't knock Detroit. The city has tons of problems, sure. The suburbs, though, are great. Great schools, homes, shopping, change of seasons. I grew up here and have lived elsewhere, including abroad.

[A Daring Adventure]

JVW, MSD is basically the DS Swat team or something like that. The letters stand for "Mobile Security Deployments," from what I understand, and they deploy all over the world at the drop of a hat.

[Shannon]

My husband did a tour in MSD recently and I have to chime in and say it really does have its positives. I'd be happy to talk to you about it so you can hear about both the pros and cons.

[A Daring Adventure]

Hello, Shannon,

I'm very glad to hear that you guys had a good experience with MSD.

We have known many people who have done MSD tours.

If you would like to share your list of pros and cons, I'm sure it would be very helpful to folks who are doing web searches or reading here to learn more about DS and DS-related topics.

As for our family, though, there are many, many reasons why MSD would literally be the last thing my husband would ever bid on. The major reasons include:

1.) We currently have a 14-year-old son (in 8th grade) who worships the ground James walks on. If James were to be gone for three years doing MSD, then he would miss James terribly and James would miss him terribly and James would miss almost his entire high school experience. These next few years are the last few years our son will be in our home, and these years are some of the years that our son will remember most, and that time is therefore very precious to us.

2.) If James is going to spend enormous sums of time in AIP(LY) sorts of places, then we would just as soon have him bid AIP and get all of the benefits thereunto, such as credit for an AIP tour, preference bidding afterwards, set R&R times that cannot be denied to him, etc. That and, from our point of view, doing a one-year AIP tour with guaranteed, set benefits is far preferable to doing a three-year AIP tour with zero guaranteed, set benefits.

3.) In the next few years, we don't want to be in the DC area at all and, if we do end up there, we want it to be for the smallest amount of time possible. Seeing as that MSD is three years in the Washington DC area, this is not the assignment for us.

We have many more reasons for not bidding MSD, but, In the end, it's all about what's important to people and what people are looking for. I am very glad that there are folks out there who want to do MSD, because MSD is important. I'm not trying to discourage anyone from bidding it. As I said, I'm glad you had a good experience with it.

[Shannon]

Kolbi,

The reasons you list make it clear MSD wouldn't be a good fit for your family. MSD, like all assignments in DS I guess, isn't for everyone for one reason or another. Like you said, most of the time it seems there are people will to take some of the harder to fill positions.

Obviously, MSD was not made of rainbows and unicorns and there were plenty of times I was ready to call it quits. I did not care for it being so unpredictable and the deployments that he went on with no return date with some lasting up to 100 days. But in hindsight (what a wonderful thing) MSD ended up being a good assignment overall. Doing AIP was also an option, but I wanted to remain Stateside awhile longer and continue my career while I could before going overseas.

1) My husband simply loved the work. I know he had a blast and really enjoyed being in such 'dynamic situations' shall we say. MSD allowed him the opportunity to go from team member to team leader within his time there. Because he got to visit such wonderful places he secured his promotion at the first opportunity possible despite him declaring that it would be an eternity before he got it.

2) The money is nice and there is no arguing with that. Nice of me to at least list this as the second top reason as opposed to the first, huh?

3) We got an awesome onward assignment from MSD, our top pick in fact. Though MSD is not give the preference that AIP is (but that is another loooong story), when we were bidding the higher ups at MSD were really lobbying to get their people good assignments. Obviously a gazillion factors go into determining who they give a position to, it didn't hurt to have the backing of MSD.

I completely agree with your statement that leave can be revoked, etc with MSD. In fact, it happened to us. But I also know that they were very flexible in sending people home early for births of children, family issues, etc. There is also a great comradery in MSD with a support network like non-deployed husbands willing to come over and help you shovel feet of snow from in front of your house during Snowmageddon because you can't handle it all with your husband gone.

I also cannot stand to be in DC a day longer than I have to. Luckily my husband ended up having to be with MSD for about 2 and a half years as he had to start training to satisfy his language requirement for our onward assignment.

I hope you guys get an assignment you are happy with soon!